I have a confession to make.
This is so bad.
I have been eating gluten.
Not a lot -- not enough to make me feel sick immediately after eating -- but enough. Even a trace of gluten is too much for a celiac.
I don't know what my major malfunction is on this one. I know I shouldn't be nibbling on my daughter's french fries, I know I need to avoid the mini breadsticks from the pizza parlor, I know better than to grab a croissant from the gas station on my way to work. I can definitely tell the difference in how I feel. In other words, I've felt like crap the past couple of days, and I know it's because I've been giving myself permission to slowly poison myself. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
The problem is, I can't seem to stop. One little french fry seems so harmless... even when it turns into two, three, or even ten. But continue that gluten consumption over the next few days, and it becomes too much. Way too much.
Part of my problem is, I haven't found the "good" gluten-free products yet. Most of the gluten-free options I've sampled taste plain nasty, if they have any flavor at all. And because gluten is the "glue" that holds many foods together, when it's removed from the recipe, the dish just turns out wrong.
Another barrier is that I don't have any celiac or gluten intolerant connections. I don't have anyone to talk to who relates to and understands what it feels like to have celiac disease; to be told that you can never, ever eat gluten again. (I'm a super big baby on this point, because food as always been like a comfort blanket to me. A bad day could easily be remedied by a nice, comforting bowl of Noodles & Co. Wisconsin Mac and Cheese. Now, I can't turn to my old comforts anymore -- and it's making my anxiety level skyrocket!)
The good (bad?) news is, I feel completely miserable now. I feel like I did before I went gluten-free in the first place, which is pretty darn crappy. I'm hoping that feeling miserable will be enough to remind me to eat healthily and to treat myself well.
Because I deserve it.
I have a really awesome recipe for gluten-free blueberry pancakes (it uses whole-grain oat flour). It's posted on my blog, just search for pancakes and you'll find it.
ReplyDeleteStay strong! I know it's tough but the rewards of feeling better outweigh the pleasure you get from the food that's making you sick!
This isn't going to make me very popular in terms of health-consciousness, BUT.
ReplyDeleteI really think you need to buy some gluten-free mainstream junk food. That way, if you're craving something "normal" (i.e. something from your gluten-involved life), or something a little naughty, you have something to fall to rather than something that's naughty *and* toxic to you.
Lay's brand Wavy Original Potato Chips are gluten free. (As are several of Frito-Lay brand chips, just check their website; they have very friendly icons for allergen information.) Also, Lay's Creamy Ranch dip is gluten free. Obviously, it's always a good idea to check the ingredient list every time you pick up something, but especially with mainstream brands that might change their formulas without warning.
Also, Annie's Homegrown brand makes really good gluten-free mac and cheese. (Made with rice noodles.) And I know that's available in the health-food section of Woodman's.
I mean, it's okay to fall off the health-food wagon from time to time. So, if you're going to do something *wrong,* do it *right.* ;)
Just in case you haven't seen these blogs yet:
http://momcooksglutenfree.blogspot.com/
http://celiacfamily.com/
The second one has some excellent lists on safe candies and so forth. ;)
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