PMS Monster

The office smells like buttery pancakes and syrup, and how the hell is that fair to those of us (which, admittedly, is a minority here) who are watching what we eat?  It's hard enough to stick to your guns when people aren't forcing delightful scents up your nostrils!  Well, you pancake-bringers are enablers, and you're not taking me with you (today), so ha!  I say "ha!" at you and your delicious, breakfast goodness!

(Actually, this is kind of like torture.  It's smelled sooo good in here since 7:30 a.m., and I've been fighting off cravings all morning).

I weighed in on Sunday.  Still 193.0 lbs., although I did hit 192.6 at some point during the week.  At least it's not a gain, but I've had very little appetite all week, so it's very disappointing to see the scale stall after a whole week of eating like a saint.  My biggest sin was snacking on a gluten-free chocolate chip cookie -- only 160 calories!

At this point, I'm pretty sure that all of my troubles can be accounted for by the dreaded PMS Monster:

• Little/no energy for "silly things like exercise"
• Bloating (hopefully 1-2 pounds' worth)
• Salt cravings (hello, salsa and corn chips!)
• Taking my irritability out on pancake-eating co-workers via a passive-aggressive blog
• Tearfulness (when I think about all of the amazing foods I can't eat anymore)
• Feeling important enough to post a blog about the PMS Monster

So my plan is to defeat this mini-success-plateau before it turns into a six-week-long-plateau-of-no-weight-change-that-makes-you-cranky-enough-that-you-binge-then-fall-off-the-wagon kind of deal.

Despite the humidity, I'm going for a walk on my 15-minute break this afternoon.  I shall return a sweaty triumph, and then I'll drink a ton of water, and it'll be amazing.  Maybe I'll even walk up the 8 flights of stairs to my cubie!  Hmm... that's a big maybe.  Or maybe I'll walk up 4 flights instead, and take the elevator the other half of the way.  Baby steps!

On the gluten-free front (for those of you who are playing along at home), I continue to learn as I go.  I accidentally "got glutened" on Friday night and spent most of the weekend wallowing in gassy, crampy agony on the couch.  I saw my doctor again on Monday, and she agreed that I seem to be responding generally well to the elimination diet.  They drew blood to run the celiac panel, and they're running a slew of other tests "just to be on the safe side."

I'm SO DONE with being sick all of the time and frequent trips to the clinic.  I'm hoping for some conclusive answers so I can get on with my life.

Saggy Britches

My size 14 jeans are noticeably baggy this morning!

It's amazing how success can creep up on you.  Yesterday, I almost posted a whiny-boob blog about how much everything sucks, and boo-hoo for me... but then I was being too melodramatic to actually post it.

And now this!

I think today is going to be a good day.

From the Gut

The drive home from work is torture -- even if you don't have gluten intolerance!  In a matter of blocks, I pass McDonald's, Wendy's, Milio's, Popeye's, Noodles & Co., Culver's, Hardee's, and four gas stations full of delicious donuts and various junk foods.  Yesterday was especially rough.  My mouth watered with each restaurant I passed, especially at the McDonald's, where posters of ice cream and chilled drinks plastered the windows.  Nom nom nom gluten goodness!

Okay, but the point is, I was good.  I drove on past and went home to my grilled chicken breast and green beans.  Later, I even rewarded myself for my good behavior with a small chocolate bar... except it was so sweet that it hurt my teeth, and I only ate two of the five segments.  Go me!

Problem:  I got sick again last night.  Celiac Disease for Dummies states that "your indigestions, bloating, flatulence, and diarrhea will likely start to ease within a few weeks."  Ouch.  I've been bouncing back faster and faster, but a bought if "illness" still knocks me down a few pegs and makes me feel like crap (no pun intended).

I'm determined to make the most of this, though, and today is a good day.  Despite the rain and all the fancy-pants work ladies who came prepared with umbrellas (but not me).  Despite the ick last night and this morning.  Despite being here at work, while I day dream of being holed up at home, tucked in and warm on the couch with the A/C going.  Today is what it is -- and that's just okay with me right now.

Every Wednesday, there's a small farmer's market right outside of my work.  I love seeing the sights on my breaks!  Today, I gifted myself a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers.  They're on my desk, doing an excellent job of making me smile.

I also picked up a gluten-free brownie from Silly Yak Bakery, my new FAVORITE STORE EVER.  They have mastered the art of baking gluten-free, and I highly recommend their products to anyone and everyone -- gluten intolerance or not!

Best.  Brownie.  Ever.

My goal for today is to drink copious amounts of water.  The scale read 194 this morning, but (besides two little pieces of chocolate and my devious brownie this morning) I've been meticulous about eating strictly clean.  My body is just happier and more cooperative when it's fully-hydrated.

Oh, and if I ever stop with the stomach upset, I might be able to get a real work-out in.  I tried to last night, but didn't get much accomplished for reasons that should be rather obvious.  < Insert witty joke about self here >  Har, har, har!

Drama Mama Moment

I'm at work today for the first time in a week (it's tough to be at work when you have diarrhea like whoa, okay), and I'm actually feeling pretty down.  I thought getting back to my routine would help me feel better... but not so.

So maybe I'm PMSing or something.  I don't know.  I'm just moody and generally "meh" right now.

It's hard to vocalize how it feels to be in my shoes right now.  I feel singled out and picked on, even though my gluten intolerance isn't anyone's fault.  I feel very alone... and THEN I feel disgusted with myself for being so pathetic!  Gluten intolerance isn't the end of the world.  It's not like I'm going to starve to death, be burned at a stake, or ridiculed for my condition.  No one even has to know if I don't want them to.  Here I go, being a drama mama again.

I'm still trying to keep up with the optimism thing.  Granted, I know that I won't ever feel excited about this, but at least sticking to a healthy diet just got a lot easier for me!  In that sense, I do consider myself lucky, because my willpower is mediocre.  Like the wimpy kid in gym class.

Moving on!  I'm going to work out tonight, drink so much water that I float away, and eat angelically.  Time to pick myself up, dust myself off, and stop moping around.  So long, cottage cheese thighs!  Adiós, bye-bye arms!  Never again, chunky middle!  This fat isn't going to evict itself.

A Gluten-Free Me

Long story short, I learned on July 1, 2010, that I am gluten intolerant.  The doctor I saw on Thursday suggested trying an elimination diet to rule out any other food allergies, but my symptoms have completely resolved since eliminating wheat and gluten products from my diet.  I either have celiac disease (which my doctor stated is the most probable case) or a severe wheat/gluten allergy.

I'll be tested eventually to determine whether or not I have celiac disease (better to know, I guess), but right now my number one priority is learning how to live gluten-free, which is something I will probably have to do for the rest of my life.

I've been on an emotional roller-coaster.  The optimistic side of me is ecstatic, because now I'm forced to stick to a rigid diet.  Unless I want to make myself very sick, I can't go for the junky snacks that have always held me back in the past.

At the same time, I feel... angry.  Cheated.  Alone.  I've been trying to be patient with myself, because I've even been getting angry with myself for feeling the way I do.  I feel selfish, because I'm actually very lucky!  My support system is still there, helping me as I find my feet again.  My husband has done loads of research about what I can and can't eat, and is already better at de-coding food labels than I am.

I've been trying to focus on one very important fact -- I feel better now than I have in months!  It's amazing how quickly my symptoms resolved when I removed gluten from my diet, but apparently this is very normal.

Another "silver lining" -- the weight has been falling off.  The scale read 192.6 pounds this morning!

There's definitely a learning curve here; I made myself sick on Saturday after eating French salad dressing and barbecue sauce (both of which are thickened with gluten-products -- who knew?!).  Most lipsticks contain gluten, as do "lickable envelopes."  I'm overwhelmed with information, but I'm sorting it out as quickly as I can.  One step at a time.  Despite all of this, I'm still convinced that good things are happening!

Photo Credit:  "Celiacs Do It Gluten Free" image is from Healthline.com.